If I am being honest it’s been a bit tough..

If I am being honest it’s been a bit tough..

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When someone asks “how are you?” as British people we tend to nod, smile and say “yeh not bad thanks”.

But what about those times when that isn’t how we feel, when your body is screaming give up, your lungs just can’t get the air in they need and all you want to do is curl up and say see you later world?!

I am not one for living in a place of feeling rubbish, where it’s dark and everything is a bit sucky. But these last few weeks that’s where I have been. I have cried, shouted and told God just what I think of this messed up situation. I am ready for healing, I am ready for my promises to be manifested and to say goodbye cancer!

But today has been a real turning point for me in my mind. Because God placed two worship songs on my heart.

I know I have some big battles coming up. For example my time of the month seems to be giving me some horrendous problems with ovary pain that is honestly off the chart, leaving me unable to breathe and rolling around in pain. So we need to figure that out before the next one. My lungs are so full of things they shouldn’t be that breathing is becoming scary and very difficult.

Prayer for those would be incredible!!

Today my family said goodbye and celebrated the life of an amazing lady; marks Grandma, Ennis Hargreaves.

Listening to how she came to know the Lord, how she led her family to know him, all the young people she taught about Him and how every step she took demonstrated her love for her saviour stopped me in my tracks a little. What an example she set! A true inspiration! We sang two songs chosen by her, the first was The Lords my Shepard (psalm 23) & Because He Lives.

In Because He Lives a few lyrics struck me, I have attached a photo, (I hope a picture of these lyrics) but ‘life is worth the living just because He lives.’ Yes it’s tough, and I haven’t felt much like it’s worth it but actually I can face anything because I know that Jesus lives and because of that healing, forgiveness and love it’s a pretty incredible life to live!

Finally I sometimes forget that in all of this I sometimes need to lie down in green pastures and just surrender. Stop trying to figure it out or understand His time or plans. But mainly these lyrics say it all for me at the moment:

I will trust in you alone.

And though I walk the darkest path,
I will not fear the evil one,
For You are with me, and Your rod and staff
Are the comfort I need to know

I must TRUST. It sounds like such a simple concept but in any relationship this is one of the keys that binds people together. It’s not easy to trust or have faith when the world screams something different at you, or you see, feel a certain way. Trust is so easily broken. But God has never let me down, He has never broken that trust. I’m pretty sure I have for him but he is the same today, yesterday and forever so he never will!

If God has said he will do something (Isaiah 58:8) then He will!

If there is a mountain in front of you, if your body or mind are screaming world truths at you and if it feels like it’s never going to end. I have something to tell you, it isn’t easy but please TRUST He has your back, He will pull you through and you will see that mountain conquered. Just don’t give up! And if you need to sit in that place of it sucks, that’s ok just don’t make yourself comfy there because there is more for you!

14 thoughts on “If I am being honest it’s been a bit tough..

  1. Praying for your pain to ease and your breathing to improve. You have been through so much but you’re not alone. 💓💓🙌🏻🙌🏻

  2. Praying for your pain to ease and your breathing to improve. You have been through so much but remember you’re not alone. Constantly in our thoughts and prayers 💓💓🙌🏻🙌🏻

  3. Lots of love to you and your beautiful family from Dorset x x stick it to it Laura, we think you’re a superstar xxx

  4. To our gorgeous buddy, who has lived a good, kind life. Always thinking of others. In our prayers. 🙏🏻

    Goodness and mercy all my life
    Shall surely follow me
    And in God’s house forever more
    My dwelling place shall be.

    Love always.

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