So what’s happening in my world at the moment… as ever it’s a whole mixture of things from stresses at work to fun with the girls! Life often brings highs and lows and in the middle of it all cancer really doesn’t care if you are finding life easy or hard. On reflection I have decided to find that joy in the midst of it all, whilst understanding that you don’t always have to be smiling.
At the moment I am on a break from chemo, not my choice, not sure whether it’s a good thing or not and equally not quite sure what God is in mind for me at the moment. But what I do know is HE IS GOOD & HE LOVES ME.
Before I go into details I must say that I truly believe honesty is the best policy, and yet I can understand that for some people reading my honesty can be scary for them too. But in order to make a difference and hopefully inspire people to make the most of every day you have, I think honesty is absolutely the way it should be!
A little insight into the world you get thrust in to when you have cancer and your treatment stops. (Even for a month or two) It is terrifying! That fear of unknown, of thinking every single second is it growing some more, am I getting new symptoms to worry about and I am not fighting back is very scary. It is constantly there and you feel like you have really lost control.
The plan for me is to (prayers needed) get into the trial that is available with a new trial of immunotherapy drugs. Now would you believe if your tumour (like mine) grows on the left side then immunotherapy drugs seem to be the most effective for you! Thank you God!
This trial is in London so a trip down there every two weeks won’t make life any simpler but it will mean I am stepping into tackling my situation.
However at the moment my lungs are giving me a hard time, I can’t have steroids to fix that as I would then not be allowed the trial treatment. So for now we are putting up with the lungs not behaving! I am taking more turmeric than I care to and probably will turn orange with the amount I take but if it brings the inflammation down in my lungs then that’s a winning combo!
In all of this I have to look at the bigger picture, why am I not on treatment at the moment, what is Gods plan for all of this, and how can I continue to bring glory back to Him when I feel a little lost and distant?!
What I have realised in this wasteland that is cancer, is I don’t have to have all the answers, I don’t have to control anything and patience is something that we should be proud to learn. That is so much easier said than done!
I am still listening in to Him because my promises come from God and they are unchanging. That is a huge comfort when you feel lost, because even though things are sent to knock me off course (a horrible working week or more symptoms of this horrible disease) I know that standing on what is written and focusing on learning those bible verses is the best thing right now.
When I am weak, or paralysed by fear is when Gods strength really steps up a notch because at my lowest points He has promised to be my strength. My breakthrough is coming and the rainbow will show up for me soon of that I am sure…
I am waiting for that day when they look at my scan and can see nothing that concerns them and my body is fearfully and wonderfully made again!
And you know what, when people throw unbelief at me, I simply look at them and think don’t worry about me because I have a whole army behind me. I might somedays struggle for positivity but my strength, because it is based on something supernatural, never waivers! I will beat this and all glory will be given to Him above! 💙🙏🏻