Today I have been silly busy (I have most of this weekend with Mark being away!) but secretly I have loved having time just me with my girls. They are such a source of joy and amaze me with how clever and loving they are.
At the back of my mind though has been the constant thought, Tuesday is change day. Now that’s not necessarily a bad thing but it is launching me again into an unknown territory of new drugs and new side effects.
By body is ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’ so I must not doubt that He has made it to withstand more than I can possibly imagine. Despite what is in there that doesn’t belong, it is still created spectacularly by Him. He didn’t give me this cancer and He will take my body back to all He intended it to be when I was created.
Fear is a human emotion, and one that we should feel. There is no shame in being fearful, no guilt in it and it doesn’t mean we don’t believe in miracles! But I refuse to sit in the middle of fear and stay there!
Yes I have been fearful because again I am out of control of this next step. But when will I learn that this is not mine to control. I face that fear and I tell it to go. I have not been given a spirit of fear!
In all of this I have come to realise that God loves me. Now that’s a pretty standard thing for a Christian to say. It’s no new thing that we believe we are loved by God, I mean He sent his only son to die for us. But the enormity of how much He loves us I don’t think we truly grasp. God loves little old me beyond anything I can imagine. Take how much I love my girls and mark and multiply it by 100 and it still doesn’t come close.
So if I truly believe He loves me that much then how could I doubt that He isn’t holding my hand right now in that fear and dragging me out to stand on His word.
He is angry at the situation and He will fight for me, see my healing complete & wrap me up when I feel fearful.
If it was just me or you on this planet, He would still have sent His only son to die for you simply because we make Him smile, we were designed for great things and He loves us! So with that in mind, a father who loves us that much and is fighting a battle for us what chance does fear have! ❤️🥰🙏🏻
Those who do please pray for me this week, that my body shows those doctors just what it is made of, that the healing starts to wow them and that they are equipped and pumped up enough to guide me in the medical stuff!